There is one reason only to see Edmonton. 
Well, at least that was all we could figure out because on the way there, the mountains disappear, the horizon gets flat, the miles of canola fields reappear and the highlight of the drive is Gasoline Alley, Red Deer (apparently this is such a fixture for tourists in this area that there are even provincial road signs leading to “Gasoline Alley”).

Anyway, a very bland drive and confusing turn offs brought us to West Edmonton Mall, the largest shopping mall in North America.

The only reason I really knew about it in the past was because there was an ice rink in the centre of it that the legendary Edmonton Oilers dynasty featuring Wayne Gretzky used to practice on. 

I recently learned that they had an amusement park, a waterpark and over 800 stores. Oh god, it was gonna be a rough day. 

Anyway, as soon as we arrived at the parking lot, we knew something was different. It was a giant confusing mess.

However, because of our timing, we managed to wrangle a spot close to a door. 

When we walked in, we knew this would be interesting. 

Those are themed hotel rooms. 

There was minigolf (costs money) below us. 

There was an explorable pirate ship (costs money) in the centre of the building. 

There was an tiny aquarium (costs money) where you could pet sharks, anemones and sting rays (sting rays were off display, but the price remained the same) and featured occasional seal performances. 

The penguin gallery was a highlight for Kathy though and made the $40 fee worth it. Unfortunately, we were too late for the penguin photo op (costs money).

There was quite a few cool designed spaces that gave the mall a unique themepark feel to it. Lots of work went into the layout.

WAIT! That’s a freakin’ Aventador!

Okay. I don’t mind the mall that much then. You could win this beautiful (costs money) half million dollar car. That I probably couldn’t even get into. Way too low and not meant for fat, old people. My dream car nonetheless. 

We found a wing of the mall featuring Asian-style stores and a supermarket. Alo was ecstatic. It was also the cheapest place to have lunch, unlike the vastly overpriced food court. 

The sushi was good, and it had a number of buffet/cafeteria-esque services available amongst the aisles and aisles of legit Asian groceries. 

There was a random sperm whale in the floor. 

And finally the legendary ice rink. It was kinda surreal for me (and even though local to me, the Cambridge centre features an ice rink that I’ve actually played hockey on), this rink was the same that I’ve known about for millenia, and I was standing above it. Just one of those monents, y’know?

So there was a few cool collectibles stores, a weird but unique surplus store which had all the markings of an American militia hive, but for most part all of the stores were the atypical mall shops, some just on a bigger scale. And bloated prices. 

And that was it. We were tired of walking, tired of shopping (barely bought anything), and tired of everything costing something. 

Wait, where are the pictures of the amazing times in the amusement park and waterpark?

Well, $45 per person for the amusement park and $45 per person for the water park ($20 if you were just going to watch your kids play) was absolutely ridiculous. Not happening. Even the kids were like, “No thanks”. (Well, they were more like, “Ugh, ain’t no way dad is gonna pay that”.)

Yes, I’m a himey bastard, but you hafta admit even that is ridiculous.

I travelled over 4000kms to see this place, and visually it was cool. The sheer size was amazing (I don’t think we even saw half of it), some stores were unique and neat and the attractions were plenty, but the prices were not justifiable. But I can say we saw it. 

When all was said and done, we ate dinner at Humpty’s (a lovely and friendly Asian woman ran the show, with good, cheap meals) and called it a night at the local Travelodge that was cheaper than the features at the mall (with a pool for the disappointed kids). 

Notes:

1. WEM was neat and unique. 
2. Some stores were cool (for me), not really Kathy or the kids. 
3. The aquarium was tiny but cheap. 
4. Kathy really likes penguins. 
5. Be prepared to spend a lot of money. Not sure how anyone can justify those prices, even in the largest mall in North America. 
6. Shoulda got more pictures of the Asian section and BRBN St. 
7. Found a Ronda Rousey pop vinyl for $19. Didn’t pay $19. 
8. Kathy fixed the slide lock on the hotel door, which was loose and vulnerable. Her dad would be proud.